As far as The Office quotes are concerned, Stanley is my personal favorite. Truly a man of culture, he’s a man who’s just generally over it, an attitude I’m sure many can relate to (myself included).
“It’s true. Around this office in the past, I have been a little abrupt with people. But the doctor said, if I can’t find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I’m going to die.”
“I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel day.”
“Yes, I have a dream, and it’s not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there’s a button that I can press, and launch that lighthouse into space.”
“I do not apologize unless I think I’m wrong, and if you don’t like it, you can leave.”
“I have been trying to get on jury duty every year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit it in an air-conditioned room, downtown, judging people, while my lunch is paid for … that is the life.”
“Newsflash: You are not special.”
Michael oh Michael… the most awkward, cringe-inspiring man-child ever conceived as a television character (and maybe a little more relatable than anyone would care to admit). Between that and his hilarious daily antics he is also the best source for The Office quotes.
“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”
“An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to… An office is a place where dreams come true.”
“I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.”
“Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.”
I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.”
“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”
“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”
“I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.” “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.”
While perhaps not the center of attention (perhaps keeping himself so, with good reason obviously), it seems that his importance dramatically increased later in the series when he was outed for being gay to the rest of his coworkers. Shenanigans surrounding this cringy event aside (damn it, Michael…), Oscar is arguably the most intelligent of his coworkers and, despite his relatively quiet demeanor, he can be pretty savage when he wants to be, thus his importance to my list of The Office quotes.
“Well, this is what happened. Uh, Ryan’s big project was the website. Which wasn’t doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice. Once as offices and once in the website sales, which is what we refer to in the business as misleading the shareholders. Another good term is fraud. The real crime, I think, was the beard.”
“I consider myself a good person, but I’m going to make him cry.”
“Michael is leaving. And apparently, they’ve already hired a new manager. And we’re meeting him today. It’s a lot to process. Paperwork-wise.”
“I am super cool. I am an accountant at a failing paper company in Scranton. Much like Sir Ian McKellen.”